Sometimes

Right now, I just feel a little uneasy because of the things left unsaid, even though I was half expecting it.

Well, I guess alot of our personalities were shaped during our growing up years while we were still trying to find an identity for ourselves. Most of us probably had a rough idea of how we would want others to view us (and i guess this varies depending on the kind of social circles we were exposed to) before we started behaving in a way that was deemed 'demure' or 'socially admirable' in our very own definitions.

I dont quite know if the person I am today is the person I chose to be. And if this person is right in God's eyes. Hopefully so though. Have you ever wondered if the world perceives you in a way you never meant to portray yourself to be? Or if your intentions are viewed from a totally different perspective? I'm pretty certain that there isn't just a straightforward emotion or thought. I mean i know that my actions are done purely out of good intentions but people treat it as otherwise?! But what if the negative intention comes into mind (because you've thought about it and questioned if you're doing it for that purpose), does that still make you a 'good' person in God's eyes?

Okay, I don't know if I'm making any sense to anyone reading this. But i'm sure that i know what am i writing.

Lately, people have been asking me the same question over and over again, and honestly, I find it quite hard to explain myself. Not because I've got anything to hide, but because I'm not quite sure of my exact emotions myself, especially since i would prefer to take a step back and to look at a bigger picture of it. So when I acutally say I do feel this way, deep down I'm not entirely convinced. Well rest assured this does not apply to every single emotion or feeling of mine, or that'll be pretty messed up, no? Haha :)

So last night was actually quite a bad night. I guess its the late thinky night accompanied with the horrid dreams and i actually woke up in the night and teared. I never felt so lonely and helpless before. But thank God, as i look things in different perspective, they ain't that bad after all. Just that all i need is time to adjust and a constant renewing of mind. Am i right to say that??